Beijinhos!

Hi Blog,

Sorry it has been so long. I'd like to say that I'm so busy, but really I think I'm having some blogging anxiety. There are two main reasons I feel this way:

1. I started posting a link to my blog on Facebook. All of a sudden I was worried about what I should write so that it was likable-- what would people want me to post? Will they judge me negatively for it? What if my posts are not happy enough or intellectual enough?
   
   
   and...
   
   
2. Reflecting on thoughts is a scary thing. Sometimes I worry that if I really take the time to think about what I'm really feeling, it will cause me the bad feels.

Now I need to take back my blog and take care of my feelings. Even if they are bad, if I don't reflect on them they may never turn good.


So.... After such a declaration what should I write about??


I guess I can tell you that I am still sad most of the time, but I am happy more now, too. I move to Brooklyn on Monday, and I think that will be a really positive thing for me. I've had some homework to do, which I am ALREADY slacking on. (I'll get it done!!...maybe)

Its going to be pretty hard transitioning to school. This summer I have been trying really hard to "Give No Fucks" with my day to day life. It has definitely been working out for me. Letting loose has allowed me to do things that I never would have done, plus it keeps me from thinking about my problems.

I have been drinkin too much, eatin too much, and indulging in some other ways, too.

One funny story, I guess, is that I was hooking up with a guy I met this summer. He is a VERY nice guy, much more talented than I in bed, and he liked to go out and do fun things. A really good summer distraction, although I don't think we have much in common otherwise. He loves horror movies, anime, and video games, all of which could drop off the face of the earth for all I care.

Anyway I knew it was a limited thing. It ran its course, a couple of months was just enough.... I know this because the last time we were laying there cuddling after....watching horror movies... he did a three stooges impression. O_O

NOT EVEN ONE OF THE REAL STOOGES. IT WAS SHEMP.

Ok, ok. I don't want to be overly critical, but that was a serious moment for me. I just smiled a polite smile, but in my head all I could think about was the fact that I used to lay in bed after ....watching horror movies... with a person who told me she loved me and that I was beautiful, and now I was laying with Shemp.

So in true Katie style I cut down communication as much as I could to be friendly but cold until he felt that something wasn't right and we should end it. (Pushing people away is one of the things, I think, I am really good at. I hope one day I can figure out how to not do it.)

He and I ended on really great terms, and we're still friends. I hope he finds someone to be in love with because he deserves it.


I'm not really sure what that has to do with the price of tea in China, but I think its a nice story none the less. So there it is.


Also, as a side note, today I tried to explain to my 7 year old cousin Luke why he shouldn't say "Indian Burn". The whole conversation was a huge car accident. He was completely on the "SAVAGES!" train, and I was trying so hard to make him understand otherwise. But then it got into "They tried to kill us!" to "We tried to kill them!" to "We want gold, give it to us or we'll kill you!" to "Who was the first country to say that? Italy?" to "But that doesn't have to do with the pilgrims, right?"

...... I was not prepared. I failed. I will try again in November.


But I will talk to you much sooner.

bjs!

(::dirtylaugh:: get your mind out of the gutter! That means 'beijinhos' or 'kisses' in Portuguese)