Soooo Easyyyy

Dear World,

Seriously all I want from you right now is an egg sandwich, but since the deli downstairs doesn't open until 7 (about 45 minutes from now) I will write. 

Last night was the SBA (Student Bar Association) 1L wine and cheese. The night turned out pretty well. I feel like I'm making friends. What else is there to say I suppose?

I guess I can tell you that I got cornered into an "Its so easy for girls to get drinks from guys; girls can get sex whenever they want to," conversation (A conversation that included girls just don't like to have sex as much as men.) That was annoying.

I think the fact of the matter is pretty obvious- girls can't just have sex whenever they want. Who wants to be labeled as the girl who goes home with guys from the bar all of the time? (Even if you want to go home with anyone from the bar, reputation can be a concern.) Who would be the one accidentally stuck with a baby? 

The natural course of this blog post is heading into some loud feminist theory that I'm not sure I want to write about. Over-sexualization, objectification, loving sex etc. Point of the story is don't bring this topic up to me in bars. 

Tonight I am going to a Moulin Rouge singalong in Williamsburg with my cousin and her hubby. It should be really good! I may need a nap or some serious caffein.

Ok, I will go find some new ways to spend time.

~Katie

Take a Brisk Risk

Today I will write about taking chances, as inspired by my friend BM.

I  consider myself a risk taker. For me making decisions is not really a huge problem because I'm the type to worry about whatever is happening while its happening, not before. I like taking risk with out regard to forethought within reason. 

An example of this is when I decided to date K about two years ago. It was a risk because I knew the relationship would become difficult, if not impossible.  Another reason is because it was a relationship with another woman. And finally, lets face it, it was risky because all relationships are-- especially ones where you trust yourself to someone completely. 

This risk led to some of my greatest and most of my worst experiences, but that is a novel on its own. The point I am trying to make is about taking chances. That risk made me feel and think things that I never would have otherwise. 

I think that existence is telling in its most natural form. If we pay attention to our raw emotions and our immediate and un-rationalized reactions to experiences, we are exposing ourselves to the essence of what human nature actually is. When we feel really sad or overwhelmingly overjoyed, we are holding on to a moment that could be paralleled in the hearts of George Washington, Edgar Allen Poe and Cleopatra alike.

So IN CONCLUSION, taking risks renders you to fate. The experience encapsulates you, independent of planning and reason. The initial experiences of doing new and unforeseeable things allow emotions and thoughts that would otherwise be on lockdown. Once you know them you become more enlightened to what it is to be human. 

Half The Tale But Definite

Procrastination.

I have an hour before I must go to class, and I want to blog. Not work. But I will work.

This is how it has to be blog.

Although I guess I'm here now so it is what it is?

No... We can't go on like this.

Lets take it up again tomorrow.

Até logo.

Nonplussed

Today I want to tell you about one of the most stupid words ever: Nonplussed. 
Here is what comes up when you google "Define Nonplussed."


non·plussed  

/nänˈpləst/

Adjective (of a person) Surprised and confused so much that they are unsure how to react. (of a person) Unperturbed.

Synonyms aghast - confused So, Google, what you're telling me is that this word means both surprised AND unperturbed at the same time? Two completely opposite words? Go home, dictionary, you're drunk.

Moderately Questionable

Today I want to talk to you about moderation, but I am not really sure how to begin. 

First I guess I should look at myself before I start making some sweeping declarations. I will say straight up front that I am not exactly the most moderate person. When I feel things, I feel them big- the happiest happy, the saddest sad. I am not moderately myself. My personality is big, both in good and in bad ways. I am pretty moderate when it comes to my politics and opinions (...most of the time?), but this semester I am trying to find more balance. 

The reason I am thinking about all of this is because tonight at dinner with my friend Brad he was telling me that he hates feminists. Of course, I was not going to take that so I told him he was wrong, but when he explained himself I realized that he was not really talking about feminists. He was talking about extremists-- in this case fighting for the cause of feminism*. 

I myself think that hard hitting feminists are right in doing what they need to to gain equal access to rights, resources and privilege; however, this while conversation got me thinking about the Republican Party. And Dems, too. Extremism is everywhere in politics. And religion. And everything.

So.... tomorrow I will tell you more about my feels on politics because I think I want to post about the whole debate t.v. channel debacle.

But today I am going in a totally random direction so that I can tell you...drumroll... I am interested in a person at my school!! But I (obviously) Facebook stalked them, and they had some serious republican pages on their "like" list. I'm not just talking "The Republican Party"-- I'm saying every republican presidential candidate's page since G.W. Bush, FreedomWorks, and Conservative Politics. Whomp whomp whomp....

I don't identify as the most liberal person, but the idea of conservatism is really scary to me. The republican party has allowed so many of its conservative members to act in ways that are dangerous to and ignorant of several large demographics of people, women and minorities being the tip of the iceberg. In my head this conservatism is the farthest thing from necessary moderation.

I hardly know this person, so for all I know liking those pages could be a joke. Maybe they aren't but the person is actually moderate. Should it really matter to me what their political preferences are? 

I guess I shouldn't get carried away with myself. I will take it day by day.

Anyway, random ramblings of a wandering mind. G'night blog!

*No worries, folks, I did tell him the reason he can say he hates feminism is because he has the privileges associated with being a young white male and that it may be hard to understand. He totally agrees with me, and says he believes women should not be mistreated and should be completely equal.

Hmmmhmmm

I am doing ok. I am doing ok.

Today was a beautiful day, and I'm living in Brooklyn.

I am doing ok.

When you wear a shirt to convocation.

Today's post may just be bits of random thought trails glued together so bear with me.

Today was convocation. No, not the nearly naked costumes and hearty house cheers of Smithies who love their houses, and, even more, their school. It was a long, dull, drawn out event that left me bored and tired. We listened to teachers talk, and an alum who basically told us to not have any fun for the next three years to prove our selves to field of law. So that was a drag and didn't help my Smith nostalgia, but on a high note, I think I am meeting some really nice people!!

I live in a huge apartment with three other girls, and they all seem like really cool and down to earth people. I think that it will be interesting to see what new friends we all will make and who will filter through our space throughout the year. We've been sticking together in a pack a little bit, and we've come across so many different people. Its hard to get past first impression-- people present themselves in such different ways, and I keep needing to check myself: all of these people worked hard and were accepted into this competitive school. (And on the other end of the stick, so did I so I need to avoid feeling intimidated.)

The thing I find weird about making a first impression is that I want to be friendly and talk to people since I'm not too afraid of doing so, but I don't want to come across as overeager. I'm just trying to take things slow, breath deep, and be myself. That has done pretty well for me in the past.

Also I am trying to keep it in the back of my mind that I don't need to build my social network all at once. If I don't find my new best friend (or perhaps my new love interest? Or lust interest?) on the first day, first year, or even at all during this experience its going to be ok. I just need to live my life happily. (repeat: I just need to live my life happily, I just need to live my life happily, I just...)

As a side note, I never realized how elitist student discounts are. Its total crap once you really think about it. In order to SAVE money, you need to spend the thousands of dollars it takes to be a student. So if you can't afford to go to college, tough luck, you cant save $3.00 at the movies or get 50% off shipping. Talk about keeping the marginalized in their place while advancing the dominant paradigm.

Finally, as promised, I will post some pictures of my room. I know this is a quick post, but today I am a tired girl.

My living room!! Nice and big for parties if I'm ever not studying.... (;-] )

Kitchen!!! Katie cooks will have to be a post on its own...

Below is a picture of the building across the street from me, which happens to be a State Detention Center. That's right, folks. I have a bird's eye view into jail-- I can even see prisoners moving in their cells at night. (Took changing in front of an open window to really realize that one.)

And, finally, me on my bed in front of my Faces. 

Cheers!

Heart Is Where The Home Is

Let me tell you, I am one tired girl!!!

Today my mom and I spent the entire day shopping in preparation for my move to Brooklyn on Monday. It was such a mirror experience to the summer of 2008 when I was getting ready to move in to Smith! Bed risers, hampers, trendy color schemes-- I am back in the college room game.

This year I am basing my room around a beautiful tapestry that I picked up at Faces in Northampton, and I think its going to look really good. The room should be relatively smallish I guess, so I didn't want to over do the shopping (neither did my wallet), but I think I made out pretty well!

In the end, though, I have been super nostalgic for my early days as a Smithie. I am sure there will be many posts about this to come, but today I am focused on space!! 

To celebrate the big move I have pulled up some pictures of a few (but not all) of the rooms I've made my home over the past five years.... 

Here are some pictures of the room Mary and I lived in at Washburn during our first year!!! 

In the above picture you can see the beautiful window shams Mary's mom made us. Our room was tiny but full of fun and singing (typically Moulin Rouge). I think that foot may be identified as one Carina Ahuja-- tell me if I'm wrong!! And that lady in the middle is my Mom!!

I'm not sure if everyone knows about the old houses used for Smith dorms, but their roofs from the early 1900s tend to have some leaking... It got so bad in our room that it ended up ruining Mary's computer! I forget how that all worked itself out, but it was ok in the end. 

Anyway, they fixed the roof and not the ceiling so there was ceiling falling on Mary's desk all of the time. She put up this bag to keep her stuff safe. I ended up stopping the house workman Al outside, telling him to come with me, and showing him in person. It was fixed the next day- he was a nice guy.

The following room was my home in Lisbon, Portugal. This is by far the most beautiful place I've ever lived, and I think it will be pretty hard to beat. Right next door was a beautiful perfect park with cafes and music and old men playing cards; I had a view of the river; there were shades that made the room pitch black--- this room was fantastic. Plus when I was there, I had a dog.

The final room I'd like to show you is perhaps the most near and dear to my heart. It is the room I lived in sophomore year- 304. This room seriously has some of my favorite memories in it, and everything about it makes me feel warm. I think of pixar, and nail polish, and laughing.

These first two pictures are of my side of the room. One day Mary and I laid on my bed looking out the window for way too long just people--- and squirrel--- watching. I swear we spent more time looking out this window than I spent studying..... No shock there?

Below is a picture of Mary's side of the room. She had a quilt made of different fabrics from her past... I was so lucky to have such a good room mate. Also those flowy curtains were really hard to make look nice. 

So that is that. My heart, my homes. Soon I will be nesting anew. I am so looking forward to my new home and my new adventure, but I can only hope it will turn out as wonderful as these ones have.

Beijinhos!

Hi Blog,

Sorry it has been so long. I'd like to say that I'm so busy, but really I think I'm having some blogging anxiety. There are two main reasons I feel this way:

1. I started posting a link to my blog on Facebook. All of a sudden I was worried about what I should write so that it was likable-- what would people want me to post? Will they judge me negatively for it? What if my posts are not happy enough or intellectual enough?
   
   
   and...
   
   
2. Reflecting on thoughts is a scary thing. Sometimes I worry that if I really take the time to think about what I'm really feeling, it will cause me the bad feels.

Now I need to take back my blog and take care of my feelings. Even if they are bad, if I don't reflect on them they may never turn good.


So.... After such a declaration what should I write about??


I guess I can tell you that I am still sad most of the time, but I am happy more now, too. I move to Brooklyn on Monday, and I think that will be a really positive thing for me. I've had some homework to do, which I am ALREADY slacking on. (I'll get it done!!...maybe)

Its going to be pretty hard transitioning to school. This summer I have been trying really hard to "Give No Fucks" with my day to day life. It has definitely been working out for me. Letting loose has allowed me to do things that I never would have done, plus it keeps me from thinking about my problems.

I have been drinkin too much, eatin too much, and indulging in some other ways, too.

One funny story, I guess, is that I was hooking up with a guy I met this summer. He is a VERY nice guy, much more talented than I in bed, and he liked to go out and do fun things. A really good summer distraction, although I don't think we have much in common otherwise. He loves horror movies, anime, and video games, all of which could drop off the face of the earth for all I care.

Anyway I knew it was a limited thing. It ran its course, a couple of months was just enough.... I know this because the last time we were laying there cuddling after....watching horror movies... he did a three stooges impression. O_O

NOT EVEN ONE OF THE REAL STOOGES. IT WAS SHEMP.

Ok, ok. I don't want to be overly critical, but that was a serious moment for me. I just smiled a polite smile, but in my head all I could think about was the fact that I used to lay in bed after ....watching horror movies... with a person who told me she loved me and that I was beautiful, and now I was laying with Shemp.

So in true Katie style I cut down communication as much as I could to be friendly but cold until he felt that something wasn't right and we should end it. (Pushing people away is one of the things, I think, I am really good at. I hope one day I can figure out how to not do it.)

He and I ended on really great terms, and we're still friends. I hope he finds someone to be in love with because he deserves it.


I'm not really sure what that has to do with the price of tea in China, but I think its a nice story none the less. So there it is.


Also, as a side note, today I tried to explain to my 7 year old cousin Luke why he shouldn't say "Indian Burn". The whole conversation was a huge car accident. He was completely on the "SAVAGES!" train, and I was trying so hard to make him understand otherwise. But then it got into "They tried to kill us!" to "We tried to kill them!" to "We want gold, give it to us or we'll kill you!" to "Who was the first country to say that? Italy?" to "But that doesn't have to do with the pilgrims, right?"

...... I was not prepared. I failed. I will try again in November.


But I will talk to you much sooner.

bjs!

(::dirtylaugh:: get your mind out of the gutter! That means 'beijinhos' or 'kisses' in Portuguese)