Don't Read This Post

Today I have decided to be a hipster. 

I am wearing a second hand and oversized plaid shirt with my hair un-styled for style's sake. I'm drinking an expresso-based beverage (can you really call this coffee?) in a local café while blogging on my Mac laptop about how dreadfully ironic life can be sometimes.

I guess the big irony is that we are all going on living like anything actually means anything when the zinger in the end is that when we reach the finish line nothing means anything.

Now that sounds pretty dark, but I don't think it has to be that way. Its like a pass. If it all means nothing, then we are restricted by nothing. We are limitless.

Unless we let ourselves be limited. 

So there's some existentialism for ya; love it or leave it bitches. 

Now I'll go buy some vinyl and listen to music that I alone uniquely relate to yet everyone loves.

...and if you read the title and still read this post then good. I was being ironic.



irony ¹ |ˈīrənē, ˈiərnē|
noun ( pl. ironies )
the expression of one's meaning by using language that normally signifies the opposite, typically for humorous or emphatic effect: “Don't go overboard with the gratitude,” he rejoined with heavy irony.
• a state of affairs or an event that seems deliberately contrary to what one expects and is often amusing as a result: [ with clause ] : the irony is that I thought he could help me.
• (also dramatic or tragic irony )a literary technique, originally used in Greek tragedy, by which the full significance of a character's words or actions are clear to the audience or reader although unknown to the character.

To Tea and Comfort

Ever have one of those days where everything just goes wrong? I know you have, everyone has them.

That is where I am today. I was supposed to get blood work done, but I didn't realize I was supposed to fast. I had to print out a form for school, but I can not get my printer to work. On top of all that, I am having all the feels missing my ex.

When the printer wasn't working I seriously almost lost my shit. I almost threw it out of the window.

Luckily my friend Brad told me to make a cuppa and take a sit. It took a while, but I calmed down. Sometimes having control over myself is so hard to do---especially when I feel like I have no control over anything that is happening around me. Once the anxiety sets in all the molehills look like mountains.

So this blog post today doesn't have a point, or a big message, or a solution. Its just dedicated to making a cuppa, taking a sit, and waiting for the storm to pass.

On the Zimmerman Trial

So tonight you get another serious blog post, blogger world.

As anyone reading this who knows me can probably expect, my blog is inspired by the Zimmerman Trial, just as my friend Drew posted about. Before I get into it, I want to recommend you take a look at her blog because she discusses a really serious flaw in the "Stand Your Ground" law that exists in Florida, and since I can't explain it better myself definitely check it out. If you are not in the USA at all, follow this link if you want to know more about what's happening. 

I am very... Sad? Angry? Disheartened? Annoyed? A mix of these feelings in different proportions after George Zimmerman was acquitted last night on the counts he was put up on for the murder of Trayvon Martin.

I watched a good deal of the trial, and I completely understand. There wasn't enough proof to show that he purposefully murdered Trayvon. His saving grace was the idea that he was acting in selfdefense, which I think is a stretch.

I'm going to put it out there, I have no doubt in my mind that Zimmerman was racially profiling Trayvon. I think he used unnecessary and fatal force to kill an unarmed teenager. I think that just as Drew's post discusses, racism is inherent in our system-- it helps people like George Zimmerman who have the privilege to access its resources, but that access is not equal for everyone (Oh, lucky you, Georgie Boy, your dad is a white retired judge.)

BUT WHAT I REALLY WANT TO RANT ABOUT IS ALL OF THE STUPID FACEBOOK PEOPLE WHO ARE ALL LIKE "STOP PLAYING THE RACE CARD, ZIMMERMAN IS INNOCENT LET IT GO".

.....X_X

* Actually, my friend Luke said this as a comment on one of these stupid facebook posts and I want to just copy what he wrote because I think he said it well. I want to share it with whoever may read this.

Its really convenient for people who's access to rights  are not threatened and denied to act like injustice is not something that happens in our society, but its complete crap.

As my friend Allie said last night, this could essentially open the gates to modern day lynching, and I think she is right. You see a young boy who must be a threat since he looks suspicious (code word for "He's black"), and if no one is there to see it, you can provoke him into a scuffle and then shoot him.

This may sound like an oversimplification, but is it? Is this not exactly what happened to Trayvon Martin?

I don't know how to fix our system yet; I understand that the idea of "innocent until proven guilty" is essential to the freedom of our country.

But access to that freedom must be extended to everyone, and right now it is not (read Drew's post). Racial Profiling must be seriously addressed, and it has not been.  Things need to change-- socially and governmentally. Respect needs to be equal for everyone.

I've said this before, and I will say it again.

Second rate citizenship should not be an option-- for anyone.

We need to fix things.

You'd lose your head if it wasn't screwed on.

This next post has been inspired by a text-message sent to me today by my former roommate in which she informed me that she has read my blog. This one goes out to you, Mary!!!


I lose things. I lose things all of the time. Small things that it makes sense to lose (like earrings), big things that it doesn't make sense to loose (pairs of pants), important things (passport, license, school id card), things I use every day (retainer, cellphone), things that would probably stay in the same spot for most people (Have you seen that pink lamp? The one with the clear glass base?)...

This quality of mine is not something that I am proud of, but it is a part of myself that I have come to terms with and am at ease with. If I were to worry over every time I lose something I would be frantic all of the time. It has taught me to minimize my attachment to material things and learn how to live without them. (Does anyone want any lessons on how to spend a semester at Smith without a card for the dining halls?)

I know it is a luxury of my privilege to feel somewhat minimal consequence when it comes to this trait, though in many circumstance it has gotten me into very deep trouble.

The main reason I think I lose things is because my mind is not very centered- I am always all over the place. My mom constantly tells me I need to be more in the moment, but that is way more easily said than done. I want to be able to concentrate on exactly where I place my keys, but when my emotions are harried and my thoughts are zipping around, focus doesn't even seem like an option. When my life is in chaos, my mind is in chaos, and I have to wait until everything settles down before I can find what it is I have lost.

For instance in May, I lost my retainer (...again. This time not under Mary's side table. What a good roommate, though, she mailed it to me!! ). I looked high and low for it, and I finally decided to do without it for a while. Now, in July, I decided to look for it again. I walked over to the cup I keep it in every single night-- since May I have looked there a million times-- and there it was. Sitting right there.

I know this sounds incredibly crazy, trust me, but the thing is when my life is crazy I am incapable of seeing past whatever it is that's distracting me. My life is forced to stay cluttered until my mind is refreshed enough to find order.

This is something I am actively trying to work on. I know that meditation will help- one day I'd like to make it part of a daily routine. But what if in the calm of my mind I am sad? Or a super-villain? I guess I will just have to see.

ANYWAY. Losing things is what I do.

Here is a picture of an envelope Mary made me so that I could lose things less!! 

Well I was going to post a picture of an envelope Mary made me so that I could lose things less except, well.... I lost it.

What I've Made and Where I've Been

Why hello there Blogosphere,

It has been a bit since I've talked to you. I have been a busy girl!

Over the past week I have been all over the map. I saw TWO new movies- Dispicable Me 2, which was ok, and The Loan Ranger, which I thought was really good-  I am now obsessed with the "William Tell Overture". I made curry with sweet potatoes, spinach and peas in replication of a delicious dish my friend Amanda made for me when I visited her and Kate at Smith (It was not nearly as tasty as hers, but considering I still can't make grilled cheese, I'm definitely getting there.)  I went to the beach with my friend Melissa, got asked out by a guy in a bar, and had drinks with some friends at Venetian Shores (a local beach bar with live music). Today I even went to the city, where I spent the morning writing in Bryant Park, snooping around the library (the Declaration of Independence and Bill of Rights exhibit was gone :-[  ), walking to Chelsea Market to get tea and spices, meeting Emily on her break and meeting up with my friend Brad and his friend Conor, my writing partners.

"Writing partners for what?" you may ask. For our book, of course! Together the three of us are writing a fantasy book-- Mages, warfare, a king and all of that. It has been a really fun process so far-- we (mostly them, I joined in late) have been spending weeks setting the background for the world our story will take place in. Geography, currencies, histories, lineages, magic systems-- the list goes on and on. I love writing, and this creative outlet has been a really good way for me to focus my attentions.

Being creative in general has really been helping me this summer. The awful month of May found me in a dark place... a very dark place. With the help of friends and family who have endless compassion and the patience of saints, I've gotten out of my funk. One of the ways I was able to help myself, though, (which sometimes is not so easy) was by channeling my energy into  making things. For instance, I've started this blog. I built a tray out of wood, picked up embroidery, and even started cooking a little. Now, along with Brad and Conor, I am writing a book. Though I am still working through all my feels, I can say with complete certainty that the experience of making things has been healing my spirit and my heart.

I think that this summer has taught me that the human spirit can regenerate after being shot down. When we are broken we can build ourselves back up again.

In closing I have also downloaded pic stitch. Below are photos of what I've made and where I've been.

Cheers, Blog!

Blogging is like cleaning my room, but not.

Today I am cleaning my room.

(And blogging, and watching the Cosby Show, and continuing on my new quest to become an awesome embroiderer.) 

But mainly I am cleaning my room.  I have my pandora radio set on a Steve Miller Band station,  I put an extra tea bag in my tea, and I'm ready to go. 

This is a task I have been putting off for a long time, and to be honest, the thought of it has given me some anxiety. Its not because my room is so utterly messy that I don't know where to start. Its just that room cleaning is not only physically draining- it is emotionally draining too.

Everything I have holds a different memory. Most of them are wonderful happy stories. All of them leave me reflective about where I am right now and where I have been. My old diaries filled with heartwarming (and evidently highly important and top secret) nonsense; pictures of quality shenanigans and adventures; expired love notes. They make me love and long for the past like an old friend. 

To me cleaning my room is not just a chore, its a time to take stock of the things that have caused me to collect all of this crap!! 

I have chosen a selection of some really good memories to share with you. Take a look for yourself! 

Tickets that I was supposed to sell or at least return to be sold for the production of Bye Bye Birdie I stage managed for in 2006. I guess I missed the boat on that task! 

My room key for the Atlantis Resort and Spa on Paradise Island in the Bahamas!! My parents took my brother and me there back in 1999, and it was definitely a memorable trip. Will and I made friends with a girl from South Africa, I accidentally (and clumsily) sabotaged someone in a hula-hooping competition, and we essentially spent a straight week floating down the lazy river and going on water slides. We were lucky kids.

Heh-- this is my first fake ID given to me by a friend at college (whose identity I have chosen to protect by flipping this card over). The first drink I bought with it? PBR!! Rookie move, I know, but appropriate for a hipster town like Northampton, I think.

My coaster collection-- whenever I'm out somewhere having a great time, I try to remember to save a coaster and label it just as a cheap little momento. The coasters in the picture are from:

-The night of my cousin Kelly's wedding 

-Dinner with my family in Disney 

-Jack's Bar in Montana from my friend Mary's wedding 

-Trivia night in the city with one of my friends from college 

-Drinks with a friend after DOMA was struck down

A Norwegian Krone given to me by a random customer at Stop & Shop. The coin is really pretty and very awesome! It was such a nice way to brighten my day. I feel like it must be magic. I'll keep you posted on any developments. 

Well there you have it! I should probably pick up with where I left off picking things up now, I am sure there are 1,000 more memories waiting to be dusted off.

Cheers!

A blog post on the 4th of July! Can we say first amendment?

Man, what the heck do I write about on the Fourth of July?

I guess all I really want to say is that I am so grateful for the freedoms that I have and for the privileges that come along with being American.   

I mean Democracy is a pretty complicated thing.   Differences in race, religion, wealth, education, gender, sexuality,  and even just personal interests both strengthen and challenge the integrity of our constitution and the rights it represents each day.   As I think about the chalenges those in Egypt are facing right now in their quest for freedom and representation, I am humbled by the stability my nation has allowed me to grow up with.

That being said, as everyone is relaxing and eating their barbecued foods, I think its important to remember that freedom is something to fight for, and our fight here in the states is not over. 

Many Americans are not equally protected by our democracy as it currently stands. The example I want to bring up regards the Voting Rights Act, which has recently been struck down by SCOTUS, the repercussions of which are highlighted here on the Rachel Maddow Show as she discusses changes being made by the GOP in North Carolina.

Some of these are:

• End Same Day Voter Registration
• End Sunday Voting
• End Early Voting

I think that the problems associated with these things can really be summed up with the question "Why are they trying to KEEP people from voting?" 

Basically Rachel discusses it best (once again, here). This is a way for a governing party to restrict the liberties of its constituents as a means to an end. It is also why SCOTUS voting down the Voting Rights Act is such a big deal.

So on that note, I am thankful for the freedom I do have, but I also will not take it for granted. If you're reading this today remember-- the fight is not over. Stay current with what is happening in our country, and stay passionate about what matters to you.